Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
