one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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