two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
