My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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