hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
