You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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