I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
