did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
