Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
