I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
