i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
