well I can't set my house on fire every night
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
