Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
