Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
