When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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