could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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