So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
