So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
