Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
