i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
