My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
