I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Two words: nipple clamps
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