That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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