No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
