Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was like eating out sand paper
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
