He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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