You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
