Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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