And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
