So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
