I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
