Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
