The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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