You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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