Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
