i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
