Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize