The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
