hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize