You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
