no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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