I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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