is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
