Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
