Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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