Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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