if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
