Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
