What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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