She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize