So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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