I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
