Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
