I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
