I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
