i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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