We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
