I think my vagina is haunted
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The air taste purple.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
