This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
