fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
