if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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