Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and she was petting her beer can
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
