New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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