Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
