but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
